“When you are still grieving weeks and months from now, and others think you should ‘just get over it’ or say he was ‘just a dog’ — ignore them and call me.” — Chris
My friend Chris is someone I've known for years, and unfortunately haven't talked to in a very long time. Despite her timeless beauty she is an old soul, and was absolutely right.
Jake died a year and a half ago and, indeed, I still miss him. Just last night — half awake in the pre-dawn — as I rolled over I automatically listened for his snoring and gently felt for the dimple in the memory foam so I could position myself around him without waking him up. Then I remembered.
I hadn't planned on stopping blog posts after Jake died. In fact, I kinda thought posting might help me work through the grief. But when I tried, the pain was too sharp. And honestly, life did what it always does: swelled up to fill the open spaces…with chores and trivia, sure, but also with joy and love and happiness too.
Since that tragic day, some monumental things have happened, the greatest one being that Ku accepted my proposal of marriage. Followed closely by him moving in with me.
I've wanted to blog about these events, but every time I started to post I'd get wrapped up in the topic of my last post and the non sequitur caused by going from that sorrowful event to, well, anything.
I do this: I build up in my mind the significance of something, making it more and more insurmountable, such that I need to make just the most excellent move, the perfect step, or I can't possibly proceed. It's a source of frustration to me, and to many around me. And The Next Post had become yet another example.
Well, it's time to break that down. This post is far from perfect, but it's necessary. It's a transition, sure, but it's also an affirmation that Jake is not forgotten and still mourned. I miss him every day, but it's not brought my life to a halt. Memories of him make me smile every time I see another dog, or when I travel one of our usual walking routes. He was always pulling me forward, and he's doing so again.
|I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow||Song by the Soggy Bottom Boys|